Confessions of a Salesman The truth is that I have been a salesman all my life. You see, my destiny has already been determined from the day that I was born into the consumer paradise of Hong Kong, where everyone is a salesman. Naturally, my parents were in the business. From a very young age, I had opportunities to watch their tricks from the back door. Even though the economy was still good back then in the 70s, my parents ambitiously declared that the tiny island was too small for us -- We would therefore expand and conquer in the New World! So here we came, to Canada. I was only twelve but had already begun to establish my reputation in my trade. Life as a little salesman in a foreign land is not as easy as one might image. To compensate for all the difficulties in opening up a new market, I spent endless hours studying from television. Having the salesman genes in my blood, I innately learned to hide my weakness and to display only my charms. Not just talents, hard work counted too. I knew I had reached a career high when I eventually bought my way to be the teachers' pet and an exemplary student. For a guy who did not excel in sports, I surely succeeded in getting lots of attention at school. My experience in selling also improved my relationship with my parents. At home I was always their diligently good son. To get the things I wanted and to get my parents out of my way, I would only tell them what they wanted to hear. You've got to respect that the customers are always right and to know when they are in the mood to make a deal. Besides, my parents had their share of worries and were too busy making money anyway. In time, I also learned to make use of my sexual identity. You see, I had gone out with girls before. But I found that being a straight Asian man was not half as much fun as being a queer Oriental boy. Although we are not as desirable as the All American types in the gay culture, we do have our share of clientele because the market is very diverse. I began to learn to accentuate my exotic look, to sell my youngish features and to master my slim and compact body. They (mostly the more mature customers) told me I was cute and they liked me like that. Yes, uh, uh, whatever, I thought to myself, keep talking as long as I could get what I want from you jerks. Entering mid-life, I just feel lucky to be here because selling is such a tough business. You got to watch out for the young ones or they will cut your throat and steal your customers. Do I find myself stuck in my job? No kidding. On your feet all day with a smile in your face is not an easy way to make a living, but I have bills to be paid. Having been a salesman for all these years, I am too old to learn another trade. Besides, what can be more exciting than making a sale and getting the bonus! As long as there is something out there to be sold, I swear I shall be around to make a few bucks. To get someone's trust, you've got to invest some time and stay in the business for a while. That is why I am still hanging around. Wish me luck, I am on my way to make it big, real BIG, someday!!! Finally, I have to confess that I am not yet the perfect salesman I have wanted to be. I still have a hard time lying without blinking. As I am telling you that you are getting the best deal for your money, I am not sure if I would go as far as to guarantee your satisfaction . . . . Well, no, not on paper anyway.   -Ho Tam   Born in Hong Kong and grown up in Toronto, Canada, Ho Tam has come a long way from the days of working as an ad man and later as a community mental health worker before becoming an artist. Tam works in a variety of mediums including painting, video and printed matter. About two years ago, Tam began his project of collecting pictures of Asian business men with glasses (which he claims to be his fetish) in the community newspapers. Currently Ho Tam lives in NYC and has grandiose dreams of making it big someday.